My original (obviously not “original” as everybody is doing it!) idea had been a recap of my favourite projects, work assignments, interiors etc. of 2024. But it all suddenly felt so…superficial, not quite right for me personally, right now, today. No, the one image that is my very personal Image of the Year 2024 is this one.
This is my dad. I took this picture only last week when I was in Germany visiting my parents. You don’t know my dad, so I’ll tell you a little about him.
My dad is actually my stepfather. But to me, he’s my dad, always has been. He’s the man who raised my sister and I as his own, who provided for us and looked after us. I have always known him as strong (not necessarily in the physical, but more in the mental sense), quite forceful, righteous, and dedicated to his work as a social worker. He made sure we were looked after as a family and tirelessly helped others even after his retirement. Don’t get me wrong, he could be quite tough on us and had little patience for anything he considered frivolous or superficial. He, I believe, also at times struggled to relate to two daughters. I put this down to his own upbringing on a farm in Germany. Back in those days, there was no messing about with any feelings teenagers might have… Still, despite the usual (and normal) differences we might have had, I admire his dedication and commitment to his family, to us.
Then a stroke back in September changed everything. He spent months in hospital where he also contracted sepsis. For a while things looked pretty bad, but he slowly pulled through. I went to visit, but felt ultimately helpless watching him in his hospital bed. Towards the end of November he was finally released back home. That doesn’t mean that he’s completely back to his old self though. The stroke has had a huge impact. Suddenly he's the one who needs looking after and relies on other people like carers and my mum. He tires quickly and struggles to do basic daily tasks without help, though things are getting a tiny bit better every day.
I don’t think he notices it himself, but his formerly forceful personality has changed to one of confusion and possibly quiet acceptance. He displays a kind of mellowness I had never known from him. The man who would always seek more information, always look to learn more, the man who (despite his own very conservative upbringing) had been a staunch socialist always looking to make the world a better and fairer place, suddenly this man was quite happy to simply have some good food, an espresso (his favourite) and for me to take him out to buy some flowers for my mum. As if a lifetime of intellectual knowledge, wisdom and dedication had simply been replaced by a child-like joy for the simplest things. What he has gained is a wicked sense of humour that is more pronounced than ever before and an ability to laugh at himself that I had never really seen in him…
Seeing my dad like this over Christmas made me in equal measures sad and happy. It was lovely to be able to spend time with him, to see how happy the small things could make him, to see him enjoy the Christmas feast I had cooked for our whole family, the mince pies I had brought with me and how much he loved the English breakfast he’d requested and that I made him before I had to head back home. It felt good to be able to help him get dressed and go to the shops to buy some flowers. It felt good to maybe give a tiny of the care he dedicated to us back to him. But it made me feel sad that he might now not ever truly realise how much him being there for us has meant, how much he’s shaped our lives and how grateful we are - I know I’m not speaking just for myself.
This image shows him as he is now. Quietly wistful, mellow, deep in his own thoughts, taking things as they come. This picture makes me sad and happy.