This post is very much about Moi. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been notoriously self-conscious and very much aware of my own limitations. You could also say I’ve always suffered from a chronic lack of confidence. This is (much to my regret) why I’m such a “late bloomer” when it comes to my professional photography career. I’ve been taking photos since I was a teenager and originally learned on a film camera. I even developed my own films in my early twenties. But I never had the confidence to pursue my passion. This has led to many, many years of working in unfulfilling jobs whilst always knowing deep down that my purpose is to be creative.
Even after I started working as a paid photographer, I still didn’t call myself that until about 5 years after I started. Again, my self-conscious streak was always hyper-aware of all the people out there with an iPhone who took a few pictures and called themselves “photographer”. I felt it would be an insult to actual, proper photographers who have honed their craft over many, many years and really know the ins and outs of the manual settings on their camera (amongst many other things). Impostor syndrome is a real thing…
So it’s no surprise that it took me many more years to “dare” entering a photography competition. I’ve never felt good enough, experienced enough, deserving enough. Something else I regret when (yes, I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves, but we all do it, really, no?) looking at some photographers’ bios who have decades behind them with awards. In a world that values youth and early accomplishments (think 30 under 30 lists or even younger) more than anything, you can see how being a relatively late bloomer can make you think “if only I’d started earlier”…
But now I’ve started and I’m proud that I have. I haven’t yet won the big prize, but I’ve been shortlisted at the Pink Lady Food Photography Awards 23 (first image) and a Finalist at the Event Photography Awards 23 (second image). I’m pretty proud of both. The competition was stiff and making it that far is giving me the confidence boost to enter more competitions. And maybe one day I’ll be able to legitimately call myself an “award-winning Photographer”.